All Dressed Up With Nowhere To Go

     I’d like to thank you all for coming out here.  I have an announcement to make.  To be honest, I feel kinda stupid doing this.  In retrospect, I should have just gone ahead with my plan without the announcement, but I already sent out the e-mail telling everyone to come to my blog for more information on this and I don’t think they’ll want to read about my flowers (pretty as they are).  So here goes.  I, Shaun Carlson, am giving up the Internet in my home and the use of my computer.

     Jerks.  What was that for?  Because I know a lot of you are laughing at me right now.  “What?  Shaun?  The guy who has grown up with computers and who has hardly gone a day without using them or the Internet is giving them up?  What a joke!”

     Well, I can assure you that this is not a joke.  I am giving them up, and not for just a week or a month.  Now before this causes any undue panic, especially in my mom, this is not meant to be a permanent thing.  I don’t have an exact time, but I’m thinking that it will be somewhere along the order or six months before I bring my computer back out from storage.  During this period the only access I will allow myself is from public stations like the Provo library or on campus (provided I can still use their network while I am not a student).  I could never completely give up technology nor would I consider it wise to do so.  No, I could never completely abandon it, not my…my pr-reciousss.

     Okay, seriously, I’m done making really awful and somewhat creepy jokes.  This is actually not a spur of the moment thing.  I have been thinking about giving them up for some time but it’s only been now that I have gotten the courage to do it.  I have spent the past couple of days getting things in order, backing files up, etc. so that I could finally put the computer, and consequently the Internet, away for a time.

     Why the drastic change?  Well, it’s kind of complicated.  As I said, this is not a new idea to me.  The great thing about the Internet and computers is that they allow us to access volumes of information nearly instantly, keep track of this information for us, provide multimedia for our entertainment, and do for us effortlessly what people had to do for themselves just a very short time ago.  All this is done quickly, accurately, and even in a fun and flashy manner.

     And therein lies the problem.  While I am a firm believer in the computer and Internet being tools at our disposal, being neither good nor evil, they do create a false impression that nearly anything can be had instantaneously.  They can promote a world of instant gratification and something there for our pleasure as opposed to forcing us to work and wait for reward.  Of course, this is not a fault solely of the computer.  Our technological world from televisions to computers to radios to video games to iPods and more all promote this “pleasure now” world.

     For me, I feel like I am neglecting certain areas of my life because of the ease of the computer.  I can go to it whenever I am bored as opposed to challenging myself to come up with new hobbies and activities.  It is a wonderful communication tool with friends that I would otherwise have no feasible means to reach, but I have also been guilty of using it to get in touch with friends where a phone call or even a random visit was possible.  I know that personal social interaction can make me uncomfortable, but rather than challenge that I sometimes allow myself the easy way out of indirect communication.

     On top of all that, it is something I have felt I have been prompted to do for some time now.  I feel that there are other aspects of my life and myself that I need to explore in order to become the person I want to be.  The computer has become such an integral part of my life that I have actively resisted giving it up.  I hate to admit it, but the thought of giving it up is somewhat scary to me in a real way and I struggle to think how my life will be without it, in certain areas.

     Yes, life will go on.  I’m not that attached to my computer, but it will force me to think and behave differently.  I’ll have to develop new coping mechanisms that the computer filled for me.  It’s only been this past weekend that I’ve realized just how much the computer has done for me as I have spent them backing things up and preparing to live a life without it.

     It’s been very difficult for me to do this, and more than a few times I have almost decided to bag it.  But, and as self-righteous as this may sound, I feel it’s what God wants me to do right now.  There are parts of me that need to be developed yet and they are stunted so long as the computer is right there.  I realize that I’ve been coming up with thousands of reasons why not to do it, but in the end I just haven’t wanted to give it up.  So I’m going to make an active choice for change in my life, and if that means giving up my computer then I am willing to put it on the altar of the Almighty and trust to His guidance.

     This isn’t forever and I know that, this is just something for a time.  I’m not even having to completely give them up, but I’m going to largely disappear from NTP and the other blogs I read and comment on.  I’ll keep up with e-mails as best I can.  In the end, this little post is as much for you as it is for me.  As childish as it sounds, it’s a way for me to say goodbye to a life I’ve become very comfortable with and a means for me to organize and spell out just what I hope to accomplish.

     I hope you understand and can help me in my goal.  I believe that this will lead to a greater understanding of myself and a greater peace and serenity.  Who knows?  Perhaps I’ll even come away from this with a distaste for computers and not ever want to go back.  Ha ha!  Not likely, but hopefully I will be a few steps closer to being the kind of man I know I can be.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 3rd, 2006 at 8:25 pm and is filed under Blog Comments, Personal Musings, Religious. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.